https://www.historynet.com/sullivan-ballou-letter-mystery.htm
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more. Our movement may be one of a few days’ duration and full of pleasure–and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done.
If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing–perfectly willing–to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .
I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death . . . Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar—that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience will we meet to part no more.
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night–amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours–always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again. As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.
Sullivan
Sullivan Ballou died at age 32, leaving behind a wife, Sarah, two children and a letter written to his spouse that would make him famous. Interestingly, however, the letter was never mailed, but was instead supposedly discovered in Ballou’s trunk. Also perplexing is that of the five copies of the missive known to exist, none is in handwriting that matches Ballou’s penmanship. Both factors call into question the document’s authenticity. Regardless, the letter remains as a testament to the tragedy of the Civil War for thousands of soldiers and their families.
Read All about it, many twists to the story.
Sullivan Ballou: The Macabre Fate of a American Civil War Major
Apr 19, 2019 @ 19:27:59
Such a pity that doubts about authenticity mar such a beautiful document. Why does there always have to be a fly in the ointment?
Apr 19, 2019 @ 19:40:36
I agree. He was an educated man so I hope it was his letter! Gosh so eloquent… The first time I heard it was on the series of The Civil War on Netflix.
Apr 19, 2019 @ 19:53:48
If it was his letter, it seems he had a premonition things would not go well for him. Hopes otherwise, but a premonition nonetheless. Civil wars are the most horrible ones. Even in South Africa , the Boer War saw brothers pitted against brothers amongst my own ancestors.
Apr 19, 2019 @ 20:11:48
It is hard to watch albeit almost 180 years ago. And they went to the battlefield with big dreams. Very sad.
May 06, 2019 @ 23:38:47
Thanks for the link. A fascinating story. I’ve never heard of any grave-robbing during the Civil War. And this was such a sensational atrocity that it prompted a Congressional investigation!
May 07, 2019 @ 05:28:39
A fascinating story indeed. Thanks.
May 19, 2019 @ 12:59:41
Oh, how very sweet. I imagine there would have been a lot of such letters written throughout history!
I’d have to agree with the sentiment that, even though there hang questions over its authenticity, Mel, it remains a testament to the tragedy that war/s present upon soldiers and their families. Very touching indeed.
May 20, 2019 @ 16:30:16
Maybe it is in the human blood to have wars if you look at evolution of humankind if you can call them that. Very sad and there are no winners in the end. I have been studying the 2 World Wars in my days gone by and the tragedies. Humans are not nice at all maybe we should remind us ourselves and it is the innocents that pay the price. I love animals but people are now low on my list. xxx
May 22, 2019 @ 09:32:27
moving!
thanks for sharing this